i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
