He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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