my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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