I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
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on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
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I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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