guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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