I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
