Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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