so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
