So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
