one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
