Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
