This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
