There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
