You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I believe in your delicious
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
