Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
