I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
