you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
and she was petting her beer can
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
