So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
