And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
