So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
