I didn't shave. On purpose
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
