do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
