I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
