I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
