from now on my penis is your penis
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
