im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
