can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
