what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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