well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Four minutes until I can fart!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
