wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
