if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
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he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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