70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Actions speak louder than pants.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
