do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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