I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
