I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
