my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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