is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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