Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
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