I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
