I met the friendliest cop last night
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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