remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
