Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
