I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
