I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dignity is for republicans.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
