Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You smell like stripper and shame
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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