nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
