So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
