Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
wow bdsm is so cute
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
