My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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