You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
