apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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