he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
