He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
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Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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