So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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