Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
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Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
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