btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
