Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
