I intend to get homeless drunk
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
