Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
