i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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