at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
God, I missed his penis.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
