3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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