I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
