So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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