My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
