dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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