I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
