i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
