Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
