i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
