last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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