Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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