He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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