i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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