naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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