She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
