I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You ruined the universe
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
