Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
