I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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