In America we eat man semen.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
