I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
