he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
