Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
